text_blog_by___yourbestbet__ I have a feeling I’m way late to this party, but whatever. I recently discovered the website fmylife.com (F*ck My Life), where the premise seems to be that people pseudonymously confess a short tale illustrating something lousy that happened to them. These submissions all take a common format:

Today, <story>. FML.

These are suspiciously well formed, well typed, correctly spelled, and free of Internet abbreviations, leading me to wonder whether they are completely made up, or just edited to have a more or less standard voice. Some of them also defy belief.

Regardless, the interesting thing is that under each tale of woe is a mechanism for the reader to vote on the wretchedness of the author. To express sympathy, click “I agree, your life is f*cked”. Otherwise, click “you deserved that one”. You can see the current vote totals even if you don’t vote. It’s an interesting snapshot insight into the mindset of the site’s readership.

I am seriously fascinated with this and have put a lot of grouped examples after the cut… warning, as you would expect for such a site, many of the submitted stories are sexual in nature…

Your boyfriend says or implies something mean about your appearance

This one elicited sympathy at a rate of about 20-to-1:

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said “wow, that’s disappointing.” FML

This one is about 3-to-1 sympathetic:

Today, My boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML

However, this one is only about 2-to-1:

Today, my boyfriend and I were in Victoria’s Secret. I saw a picture of a model and said, “I wish I looked like that.” He replied with, “Me too.” FML

You are fat

This one, maybe a little hard to believe (that is one unprofessional surgeon!) elicited a lot of sympathy, about 15-to-1:

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon’s office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend’s nose job. FML

This story got about 6-to-1 sympathy:

Today, my sister asked if she could look through my closet to find something to wear. She is 6 months pregnant. FML

Yet, readers voted approximately 5-to-1 that this person “deserved it”, perhaps because he or she called someone else “fat” first?

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend’s pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I’d just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

You are a sexually inadequate male:

At the time I wrote this post, readers agreed approximately 20-to-1 that this person’s life is indeed, “f*cked”:

Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML

This one got about 13-to-1:

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I was on top of her, she asked me if it was in yet. I said yes. She sighed. FML

This one yielded less sympathy; it was closer to 3-to-1:

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing ‘never have I ever.’ My girlfriend’s turn came up and she went with, ‘Never have I ever had an orgasm.’ FML

Your family doesn’t care about you

This one yielded votes of about 18-to-1:

Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother’s name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said “Sorry, wrong number” and hung up. FML

When you own mom disses you, that’s harsh! Readers sympathized at a rate of about 13-to-1:

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said “Well, she is pure bred.” FML

This insult from mom yielded less sympathy than for the previous story. This one gets a little more than 3-to-1:

Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn’t a good parent. She responded with “Well, at least I had friends when I was your age.” FML

You did something embarrassing

There seems to be little sympathy for stories that fall into this category.

Readers agreed about 9-to-1 that the writer “deserved it”:

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

This one’s about 5-to-2:

Today, I took a massive dump at work and proceeded to clog an industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she proceeded to run out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

No sympathy here either. This one’s about 2.5-to-1:

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

 

Whoa, did you really read this whole thing? I guess I got a little out of hand. I’m sure my interest in this site will be a passing phase, don’t worry :-)

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